In Him

To my kids,

            These past few days have been filled with more questions then this mom can handle.  Jordan I hope one day when you read this you will understand some of our conversations.  On Monday a horrific act was carried out, the bombing of the Boston Marathon.  You were scared, you told me you didn’t want to die that way…(deep breath for mom we just went there)  You must of known how uncomfortable I became as I tried to throw out my best mommy answer.  Between Sandy hook killings and this you have been worried that this could happen to you.  I wish I could protect you from everything in this world, but sadly I cannot (I feel sick to my stomach saying this).

            What can we do you asked?  Can God still love these men?  Why, if God can stop it He didn’t?  What a conversation to have.  How I thought how I can answer any of these question in a way that made sense, since I don’t always understand.

What came to mind is something that never changes is Christ Love for us.  Love is a verb which requires action and is not meant to be passive. That gets overlooked and miss used.  It is a word we use all the time without giving it much thought.  Christ love for us never fails and is unending.  Jordan when bad guys do bad things it is easy to hate, to point the finger , wish them harm.  But LOVE takes commitment and effort.  It requires a choice.  St Benedict stated “the common love of truth unites people, the common love of Christ unites all Christians".  We are called to love even if we are harmed.   This takes courage, faith and mercy.  God doesn’t tell us to out to lunch with them or forget what they did.  We are called to love.  I love the way St. Teresa stated “perfect love to be an imitation of the love of Christ.”   ^{I doubt  Christ would say KILL him.}

What do we do with this? We pray for the families and those who lost their life.  This was senseless act, but we also pray for the bad guys. I know that sounds odd and the last thing we would want to do. Praying for the bad guys doesn’t mean I agree, or I am not patriotic, It means I trust in a God who is ABLE and GOOD, He who ultimately knows there heart and will judge them.  He gave us the ability to make choices (how awesome is that) in life and I for one choose LOVE; Love that was freely given to me on the cross, love that I don’t deserve. We can PRAISE all the first responders and regular people who became life savers.  We Praise the the officers who worked so quickly and risked there lives to make us safe. Kids when you make this choice to love and not hate it gives you a freedom from within.  My hope for you is that you will take this with you as you get older.  Choose LOVE.  My prayer for you guys is the same one Paul prayed for the Ephesians.

  "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

 I do not have all the answers but I know we live in a world that desperately needs our LOVE!

 I close my eyes and see your sweet newborn face.  I open my eyes and you are yelling DUCK.  Time goes by way to fast. I got to keep up!  I want to tell you of the day you ran after the ducks.  As soon as we pulled into the parking lot you started to yell and seeing your excitement made me so happy.  I can not believe you will be two, nor could the ducks.  You were chasing them down like it was your job, I am so glad Nana was there.  Between you and your brothers and sister I thought a duck might of taken you out! This day made me giggle and I hope one day when you read this, you remember
the "Day of the Duck"  I love you so very much Caleb please stay little for a little longer.  Mommy loves you to the moon and back!

Soccer Mom

 I have been wanting to blog and I just remembered my password!! I have waited to be the Soccer mom....time is NOW!  Turns out my daughters teamed named the "Super Blue Vegetables" is um.... not the most soccer playing team.  Holding hands together in the goal yelling...check...falling on the ground with no ball check...scoring for the other team ...check.
 I know I know they are just kids, let them play and love and blah blah blah....this mom came to bring it.  Yes this kids are just 5 years of age but the team that just Killed us!  A.'s  first game was like a bad Disney movie.  It was a cold, cold  afternoon, we arrived ( with only one team practice due to snow) on the field.  We weren't sure which field, but we brought it! The other team."Red" were running drills as their coach( who was dressed in Adidas) called out plays. I am not knocking our coach is an awesome mom in jeans.  Our kids played to the beat of their own drum...they ran around a field and get caught in the net never mind that... Game on..So "Red" scored 5 goals within minutes.  I am a little loud yelling defense, mark up...stop bunching up.  Then one break A came and ask what's "defense"..oops.  This soccer mom forgot to teach the basics...which I don't think would of helped in the end.  This team pulled two players as well as stop at the half way field. They CRUSHED us.  They were scoring from half field and we had four players!  In the end I just knew next year I am going to coach.I love soccer! It was great fun no matter what the score was.  I loved every minute of watching A's face light up even if she was scoring for the other team! "Mommy I scored", yes hunny you did, for Red but you did!

Teaching them young

This kids at Chruch amaze me with their fire to help homeless children.  They are "Backpacks for Hope""
The Hope backpacks offers a mom and her children the basic essential needs during their early time at the shelter.  these kids are changing lives!  They changed MINE!   

Control Freak

It may come as a surprise to you kids, but I have a control issue!  I can hear daddy say now, "this is no surprise"!  Ethan, you had your first, and I hope only surgery yesterday.  The ENT doctor put tubes in your ears and took our your adenoids. I had told you that the doctor was getting the puppies out of your ears and a horse out of your throat. Not sure why I chose that explanation, but you seemed to accept it.  I blame it on the fact my brain is like a pin ball machine, it goes all over the place.  I couldn't get any sleep the night prior.  I thought of every bad thing that could of happen (picu nurse in me).  I hoped they would intubate you and not use a LMA.  I had your intubation drugs set up in my mind. When we got to the hospital I made sure you had working suction in your room, that the code cart was near by and I knew where the vent boxes where.  I know nothing would go wrong but I felt useless and not in control.  Dude, we were talking tubes in your ears, nothing major and this is how I react.  I had my game face on but still always a little fearful. I got to go back with you when they made you sleepy.  I was reminded of all my wonderful families that trust me to care for their precious babies, and how I take that so seriously.  How they feel like they have no control and all they want is to fix it. 
When you woke up you put stickers all over daddy's face as Nurse Abby took out your IV!  You are a rock star!  I love you so much.  You look so cute ASLEEP! 

I have always want to write a blog, knowing my writing skills are not the greatest, I have sucked it up and jumped in!  I find myself jumping into a lot.  God has made me very stretchy!   I have thought of myself as the mom who  writes down all of the wonderful memories she has with her kids, puts them in a cool memory book.  I read them to our kids and share them with family. Oh wait that is not me  I  can't even find my keys to my car or phone.  So I thought this would be the next logical step to remember how precious my children are, since I feel as though my mind is running away. We live a crazy, messy, beautiful life, my husband and I.  We have 5 wonderful crazy gray hair turning kids who keep us young. I am a RN and work with children and Daddy is a firefighter, this is where our fairy tale started. To bad the movies don't show how the true fairy tale is. It is better!  I am so amazed how God has worked in our lives with His plan not OUR PLAN. 

Tomorrow wild child Ethan is having minor surgery and I hope he responds well, He can be a little dramatic and currently thinks he is a dragon.  Watch out staff at AMC, He roars fire!  Then can put it our with a cup a water like his daddy!